I had been looking to meet someone. Somebody that would guide, train, and allow me to embrace more of Lilith. I knew that my path hand been leading me further into the BDSM life, and this is where in the darkest corners of my being I belonged. I was surfing through CL, don’t laugh you know you do it too!! It’s great entertainment, SERIOUSLY!! I had been on and off for a while, and I found an ad, speaking of a Dom, who had had experience with several subs, different locations, and lengths of time and he was searching for a new sub. His ad was eloquently written, and I thought…what the hell? It is probably some nutter that is claiming something he is not. I had found the complete opposite. He was friendly and genuine, he was curious about me and not the typically macho alpha crap demanding to see pictures of not only my face, but other and all aspects of my body. We spent a fair amount of time chatting back and forth, and he learned much about me. Let me give this guy a name, because “HE” is going to get old very fast! HE shall now be known as….Tristan. Do you like it? Okay well, it is a good thing I am writing this, and you aren’t.
Anyways, along with Tristan wanting to know more about me; likes, dislikes, hard limits that I knew of, and soft limits I wanted to explore, Tristan also had me take a personality and fetish test and share the results with him. The progression with Tristan was both slow, but the comfort level that quickly developed was unnerving at the same time. As he got to know me the more, I wanted to give him. Wait, what was that?….YES!! Ladies and gents, this part, is HUGE!! Over the short period, I found myself wanting to please him. I wanted to do more, give more. This, my friends, is a power exchange and should be what most, if not all D/s relationships are based on (from my experience, which is not much, but I do a lot of research also, just saying). I found myself offering to allow Tristan to control aspects of my private life as well as public. To be honest, when I look back at it I am still not sure how the slippery slope of submission happened.
At first, Tristan did not want me to call him Sir, Master, or anything else until I felt it was right (Power Exchange). He told me to call him Tristan. So instead of ending with the typical Sir or Master, I would substitute Tristan at the end. “Yes, Tristan.”” I understand Tristan.”
Here is another vital piece, in reality, it is not the Doms that hold power in the D/s relationship. It is the Subs. Wait…Wait…here me out. Does a sub not allow the Dom to use their body? Do subs not allow Doms to spank, flog, restrain, choke, and control? Subs/we allow them, and ultimately the sub has the final say on when enough is enough and what the hard limits are. The sub has entrusted the Dom with many things, this is the exchange of power that I am referring too, and it is just as enticing to Dom as it is to the sub.
I was in a depth I had not been before, I had never actually been anyone’s sub. I didn’t have the slightest clue as to what Tristan would want from me, other than sexually, which we hadn’t gotten to that point. I asked about ruled he had, and I conformed to those quickly, without him demanding it or hesitation. I wanted too, and with every step I took the more entangled I became.
I would ask Tristan what the next step was because I wanted more, or better yet I wanted him to control more. He would ask what I wanted to offer him…huh? I no shit was scratching my head, looking back at the message like it was going to magically morph into something that I understood. Offer…hmmm….what do you offer your Dom, which is not sexual? I mean really what the hell would he want?!?! After several minutes of frustrating texting back and forth, finally I had to tell Tristan I needed help. An idea, an inkling, a thought, a direction, for the LOVE OF GOD, TRISTAN GIVE ME SOMETHING!! This was a turning point for me, and I started to understand when he responded with categories I was willing to surrender control of (daily activities, fitness, food, and attire). A light bulb went off, okay I can totally do this. My next message was something like this “Tristan, would you like to decide when I wake and when I sleep?” He responded with, “Yes, pet.” OMG…did he just call me PET?!?!? I practically purred, with pleasure. How was it possible that My Tristan could cause such a reaction with just a name? I won’t bore you with all the details, but after he asked a few questions about my morning routine he determined my new wake up time. Tristan also decided he wanted me available to him during the day and I would be allowed to sleep when he did. My fingers hit each button on my phone one by one Y – E – S S – I – R, I paused for a minute and waited to get the feeling that said, “Nope, not a good idea,” but that didn’t happen. I hit send, and Lilith was panting (HOE!!). I was done for! I had allowed Tristan to become my Dom, I asked for it, wanted it, craved it, and now I found that I needed it. I knew by sending those words, “YES, Sir” to Tristan, my real journey was about to start.